RANT: Canada will never be a green-energy superpower

A lot of things about the LEAP manifesto are retarded. In fact, literally the entire thing is.

A Canadian is a Canadian is a Canadian… unless they’re aboriginal...

Let’s face it, there are two classes of Canadians and it has nothing to do with dual-citizenship.

New DNA evidence reveals a shocking twist in Jian Ghomeshi trial Apr14

New DNA evidence reveals a shocking twist in Jian Ghomeshi trial

Earlier today MetaCanada.ca received shocking new DNA evidence related to the Jian Ghomeshi trial. The former Q “star” (now embroiled in controversy over a recent legal decision to dismiss assault charges) was originally thought to be raised in a Muslim household by Iranian parents. MetaCanada.ca has received new information that strongly suggests Jian Ghomeshi was not, in fact, of Iranian descent, but is actually Syrian.

CBC releasing new Syrian Refugee App

The CBC is not taking long to spend that extra $650 million dollars the Liberal government allotted to them in the recent budget. Next Friday CBC is releasing the Syrian Refugee 2016 app for iPhone and Android devices. Riding on the success of feel-good, low quality, “news” stories such as “Syrian refugees experience hockey for first time”, “Refugee family checks out Tim Hortons for the first time”, “Syrian children takes first toboggan ride”, and the very popular “Syrians skate on ice for the first time” this app appears destined for success. The premise of the app is simple: first you choose any one of 25,000 government sponsored refugees (more expected to be released in 2017), then you choose an activity from a list of over 300. CBC will then send a news crew out to that refugee and their family and film the family taking part in whatever activity is chosen. Want to see Syrians ride a skateboard for the first time? Hit a raccoon with their car for the first time? Awkwardly try to order something in French and have the cashier begrudgingly respond in English? It’s all available on the app. Every Syrian Refugee in Canada had to sign a contract in exchange for the large amounts of money they received upon entry to the country. This contract allows the CBC to film them at any time of day and anywhere they are. Most Canadians believe that Syria is either on a different planet or is devoid of anything that Canada has so they always believe that anytime they see a Syrian taking part in any activity, it’s their first time. However, the CBC does not have a successful history in creating mobile apps. The Hockey Night in Canada app suffered many glitches and...

Canadian Solidarity

In a sign of national solidarity Canadians stood up for one another across the country. In a singular voice Canadians shouted “We have had enough. We will no longer purchase foreign tomatoes and foreign ketchup.”

Justin Trudeau: “In 2016, feminism in Canada is about feminism”

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered an emergency press conference in Ottawa today at 10am. He took the stage by walking all the way from left to right, pausing for the cameras, before pivoting and approaching the podium in the center. His wife Sophie took the stage as well, standing behind him and smiling throughout the press conference. Trudeau opened by saying: “Thank you Canada. Every time I talk about feminism, in 2016, it gets a huge reaction. The media reacts and the twitterverse explodes. My administration has more Instagram likes and Youtube subscribers than any other administration in this history of this amazing country, and I have feminists, feminism and 2016 to thank for that. I am so proud of Canada and feminism and how far we have come in adding years to the date, every single year. Today, I wanted to ensure that I am still getting a huge internet reaction to this important issue, because I am a feminist, and being feminism in 2016 is amazing. We are all feminists in Canada in 2016 and feminism is the most pressing issue facing Canadians today. I will now take questions.” <Editor’s note: frequent “uhh”s were removed from the transcript, for clarity.> When a reporter from MetaCanada News asked about his stance on the current migrant crisis in Europe, and whether the Brussels airport bombing will cause him to reconsider his plans for accepting Syrian refugees, Trudeau considered for a moment before responding: “What I see in these people is a direct result of a lack of feminism and not realizing that it is 2016. The root cause of their anger is their shock about my feminism and feminist beliefs. When I am Prime Minister, we will bring feminism to all people, regardless of...

French Language is Transphobic – Human Rights Tribunal

Ottawa – The French Language has officially been declared transphobic and therefore unconstitutional ruled the Human Rights Tribunal in a 4-1 decision. Effective immediately, anyone speaking the language will be charged with a criminal offence and sentenced to any number of punishments ranging from fines to life imprisonment.

Racism – Because it’s 2016

It has to be pretty easy to be a left wing politician in 2016. All you have to do is take a stance on an issue, any issue really, then insult your opponent for having different views. You can call them homophobic, sexist, transphobic, or islamaphobic but the one that seems to work the best is just to call your opponent a plain old racist. If your opponent happens to be an older white male you’ve already won the argument, because the majority of the left will just blindly agree that they are. God forbid you try to discuss this issue in any depth with their proponents because you, as an everyday citizen, will be just as racist as the rest. Justin Trudeau and Thomas Mulcair embraced this trend in Canada during the most recent election and the Niqab debate. Now, there were good arguments on both sides of the debate, freedom of religion on one side and Canadian values and the rights of women on the other side. But while the Conservative Party of Canada were forced to argue the debate on its merits, Trudeau got away with simply calling the party racist and comparing their views to the discriminatory Liberal policy of turning away Jews prior to World War II. “This is not the spirit of Canadian liberty, my friends. It is the spirit of the Komagata Maru. Of the St. Louis. Of ‘none is too many.” How was Stephen Harper supposed to argue with such childish logic? He may as well of just said “Nuh-uh, you’re a Nazi, Mr. Harper.” What about the failed Liberal campaign promise of letting in 25,000 refugees? Opposition to that plan was clearly racist, and anyone suggesting anything other than fully trusting the UN to properly...

Roll up the Rim to Wynne is Back in Ontario

It’s that time of year again, Ontario.

Premier Kathleen Wynne and the Ontario government has once again teamed up with Tim Horton’s Canada to bring back the popular Liberal Party of Ontario event “Roll up the Rim to Wynne.”

Trudeau is Buying Himself a Legacy – With Your Money

The numbers aren’t yet finalized but the low estimates are that Justin Trudeau’s government is going to spend $30 billion a year more than it takes in, with a minimum future cost to Canadians of over $100 billion. That’s a tenth of a trillion dollars that future conservative governments will have to pay back using your money, all because Justin Trudeau wants to buy himself a legacy today. It’s one thing for a government to go into deficit when the country is in a recession. That’s what Stephen Harper did in 2008, and after years of hard work he left the country with a surplus. A surplus that Trudeau not only refuses to acknowledge, but one that he has destroyed before his first 100 days in office were even over. This surplus, plus the money you’ll pay in taxes for years to come, is what’s going to fund this legacy. Justin Trudeau has this belief that he’s more important than his predecessors, and he wants to ensure future generations knows that as well. He’s never worked a full-time job in his life and he lived off a trust fund until he was over thirty, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t have any concept of the value of money. But that $100 billion will need to be paid back over the course of the rest of the lives of most of the “middle class.” Justin Trudeau doesn’t care about them, he cares about what the history books and the Wikipedia articles will say about him after he retires. Which won’t be for a long time if he pushes through his Liberal friendly “electoral reform.” It’s not just the massive debt either, it’s also the cost of servicing this unnecessary debt. If we pay just...

Marijuana legalization activist fights against legalization

“People like me have built our entire career around protesting for legalization, and now the government thinks they can just come along and take that from us? It’s tyranny, man”.

Trudeau Government in a Race Against Time

  Trudeau Government Rushing to React to Major Geopolitical Changes Expected January 1st Written by u/LicensetoShill OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s newly formed government has already been forced to abandon many campaign promises, such as limiting their budget deficits to $10 billion annually or bringing in 25,000 refugees by the end of the year, but sources close to the party predict even more drastic changes are expected to come as of January 1st, 2016. “Justin’s panicking over the news, and I can’t blame him. Almost nobody in the party saw this coming, but luckily a security guard, hired by [former Prime Minister] Harper overheard the conversation and interrupted us,” a Liberal party insider told MetaCanada under a condition of anonymity. “We were just going over the plans and policies, like we normally do at these meetings, and Justin was explaining why we were making some of the specific decisions we were making. The situation only became serious when Aboriginal Affairs Minister Carolyn Bennett asked why preparations for stage two of the missing and murdered aboriginal women (set to begin January 8th) would be geographically dispersed rather than centralized in Ottawa. Of course, Mr. Trudeau answered that the same way he answers all questions about policy decisions.” According to the source, the security guard felt pressed to interrupt and inform the Liberal leadership that January 8th would be situated in 2016, not 2015. The whole room was rendered speechless. Prime Minister Trudeau told everyone to leave while he deliberated over what he later called “new information.” Cabinet Ministers were seen in the hall rapidly checking their Blackberries to confirm this information– information which threatens to derail the entire direction of the current government. “Honestly, Trudeau wasn’t the only Liberal in the room who’d forgotten that the year...