Courtesy Flickr user yurilong, CC-2.0

Courtesy Flickr user yurilong, CC-2.0

Now those pesky American tourists will know what a poutine is

Makes 4 servings in approximately 1 hour. Italicised elements are optional.


  • 5-6 large russet potatoes, cut into ½ cm thick batons
  • 1 disposable cell phone
  • ¼ cup canola or peanut oil
  • Salt and pepper
  • 3 tablespoons chicken drippings or butter
  • 3 tablespoons flour
  • 1 shallot, minced
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 500mL chicken stock
  • 2 tablespoon ketchup
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
  • Dash of Worcestershire sauce
  • Pepper
  • 675 g cheese curds

Preparation for oven fries:

  1. Soak potato batons in water for up to 2 hours, drain, rinse off starch, and pat dry. This will aid the texture of the fries.
  2. Preheat oven to 400°F and fire up your robocaller.
  3. Put the potatoes on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Toss with oil to coat.
  4. Place in the oven on the middle rack and make some shady phone calls for 40 minutes.
  5. Turn fries, bake about 10 minutes longer or until crisp.
  6. Transfer to a plate lined with paper towels, season with salt and pepper.

Preparation for sauce:

  1. Over medium heat, melt the butter. Add flour, stir constantly until the mixture starts to brown, about 5 minutes. Add shallot, garlic and sauté until translucent.
  2. Add chicken stock, ketchup, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, and pepper. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally, until the sauce thickens, approx. 5-10 minutes.

Put fries on a plate, top with the cheese curds, ladle some sauce over it, and devour. Now, with your belly full, you are ready to accept money under the table you ate on for having fulfilled your voter suppression duty!