Package to include weaponized, ‘Traditionally-Painted Easter Eggs’ as well as Borscht and Pierogis
OTTAWA—MetaCanada has recently received a leaked copy of a secret document outlining an aid package proposed by the Liberal Party of Canada, intended for the Ukrainian protesters and soldiers currently resisting the Russian imperial sweep.
While the authorship of the document (code-named: “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Borscht”) has yet to be verified, there is a great deal of evidence insinuating that Liberal party Leader Justin Trudeau had a principle role in its design. After all, it was signed “J. Trudeau,” and there are a number of illegible scribbles in his hand. Most diverting is the addition of “Traditionally-Painted Ukranian [sic.] Easter Eggs” to the document under the “Weapons Supplies” heading.
Among the scribbles, there are coherent bits of handwritten notes in Trudeau’s hand. One of the more personal comments states:
While studying Drama at McGill, I once saw an excellent play that featured riots. Many of the rioters used eggs to fight the established authority. I believe sending Traditionally-Painted Ukrainian Eggs is the perfect way to preserve Ukrainian Cultural Identity and to aid the protesters in their power struggle.
A list of proposed Food Supplies was crossed-out in what appears to be the same hand. “Perogies” and “Borscht” were penned-in, replacing items customarily included in international aid packages, such as dried stew, rice, and soups. There is a sticky note following this correction, with the following annotation: “I’m not sure if the Ukrainian People are used to eating rice, and stew is largely a Western creation. Things would probably go better if we respect traditional Ukrainian cusine [sic].” Means of packaging the traditional Eastern dishes for overseas delivery have not delineated.
While the comments may seem unconventional, Head of the Department of Modern Languages, Creative Writing, Gender, and European Studies at the University of Toronto, Peyton Kai, praised the content of the document, especially the amended items that appear to be in Trudeau’s handwriting. “Change is a wonderful thing, and it can never be accomplished by thinking within the limits of the ordinary.” On a personal note, Kai added “This is why I left protesting and political engagement, myself, to seek an academic career. Things happen at the top far more effectively than at the bottom, and Justin seems very clear on that.”
Trudeau drew fire earlier in February for comments he made on an episode of the French-language talk show Tout En Parle at Radio-Canada. When detailing his nebulous opinion about the violence in Ukraine, Trudeau suggested that Russia’s political actions may be poorly motivated due to having recently lost an Olympic Hockey Game to Canada. The comments were since widely circulated, and seen as ignorant and offensive in the context of the rapid escalation in violence in the area, and quickly drew comparison with comments feigning familiarity with foreign policy made by widely lambasted American Politicians Herman Cain and Sarah Palin.
The offices of leaders of all three parties were contacted, but did not comment at the time of publication. Notwithstanding the prime-minister hopeful’s foreign-policy faux-pas, it has yet to be determined whether the aid package will proceed to Parliament as originally planned.