Liberal leader Justin Trudeau announced today at a press conference that voters might get a puppy if they vote for him.
“I understand the Canadian public has been asking for a puppy for a long time now, and I want the public to know I will look at getting them a puppy as soon as I am elected Prime Minister,” said Trudeau, standing outside a pet store in the Richmond Centre mall, answering prepared questions provided for the media by his campaign manager.
“My wife Sofie and I have taken note of the Canadian public’s desire for a puppy, and we’ve both seen that you have been doing your chores and feeding your goldfish on a daily basis,” the dashing and debonair young leader continued, looking strong and leaderly, as he always does. “We can’t yet set a date for that puppy, but we do know that you want one and we are willing to start the process of looking at getting you that puppy once the Liberal Party wins a solid majority on October 19. We’ll even let you name the puppy, if we get one.”
Trudeau has helped differentiate himself from the other major contenders in the Oct 11 election by not only offering to think about getting the Canadian public a puppy, but also ‘seriously considering’ a trip to Disneyland next summer. NDP Liberal Thomas Mulcair has stated his party might take the Canadian public on a trip to the PNE, but that they will have to ‘seriously review’ the feasibility of such a trip against the need to protect the Canadian public from both sugary and deep-fried snacks.
In contrast, Conservative Party overlord Stephen Harpler has promised the Canadian public they won’t be getting a puppy, but if they shut up and eat their vegetables they can watch one half hour of Corner Gas.
Trudeau ended his statements to the press by inviting everyone to kiss his ring and listen to stories about the various feelings he has in his bones, which he says have helped him accurately predict the weather for years now.