With only two weeks left to go in this retardedly long campaign, MetaCanada HQ has officially been declared a “hazardous zone” by the City of Toronto. No one is allowed in, and, unfortunately, no one is allowed out. So it is going to be non-stop poll analysis from this point on.

Stephen Harper has seen his mighty lead of 70% last week cut down to 54%. Still strongly in majority territory, the drop might be attributable to Kellie Leitch‘s promise to create a government tip line to report people who keep stealing her pant suits. When facing backlash from that announcement, an unlikely colleague came to defend her: Libby Davies. The tip line was mocked across mainstream media outlets, but found a surprising source of support on the Ellen show.


Dairy farm in SW Ontario at which Trudeau was speaking.

Still reeling from his failed promise of “more lobsters” to Atlantic Canadians, Justin Trudeau focused elsewhere this week, campaigning in southwest Ontario at a local dairy farm. Reporters sat in stunned silence as Justin compared the size of the dairy farm silos to that of his mom’s dildos. Nevertheless, the Liberals rebounded back into second place this week after Trudeau spoke confidently at their huge #RallyForChange in Brampton on the weekend.  The Liberals now sit at a healthy 19%, up from just 7% last week.

Thomas Mulcair‘s NDP continued to slide this week after Thomas Mulcair was caught in a Niqab store. When asked, he insisted he was unaware that he was in a Niqab store, and that he was simply looking for something to hide his face in shame after seeing last week’s poll numbers. The NDP now sit at only 6.5% support.

After Justin Trudeau referred to him as “my love” in the french debate, Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe saw his party’s support rise to 6.5%. Whether or not the small bump is attributable to Justin’s swooning, making Duceppe more appealing to the airheaded 30-something housewives who make up the majority of Trudeau’s base, remains to be seen.

Elizabeth May is down to an unheard of 2% support, after accidentally turning on the Periscope app before putting her phone down and getting changed, unknowingly subjecting her Twitter followers to full frontal bush. The YouTube video of the incident went viral before being taken down for violating YouTube’s Terms Of Service.

Stay tuned for more poll analysis in the weeks to come!