Article by MetaCanada’s oil industry consultant, BrawndoTTM

A lot of things about the LEAP manifesto are retarded. In fact, literally the entire thing is. But I want to draw attention to one thing in particular that seemingly never occurred to these NDP cucks. To quote the manifesto itself:

“We want training and other resources for workers in carbon-intensive jobs, ensuring they are fully able to take part in the clean energy economy. This transition should involve the democratic participation of workers themselves.”


Metacanada’s artistic interpretation of the LEAP manifesto

Great! Replace all those icky dirty fossil fueley jobs with jobs that involve extracting energy from rainbows! It wouldn’t mean putting tens of thousands of people out of work, it would just be helping them to transition to another job. A better job! A job apparently under collectivist means of production for some reason, because as history has shown that TOTALLY works in real life, but I digress… There’s just ONE teensy tiny problem with this plan as it pertains to Canada (actually there are a bunch of them, but I’m just going to focus on one today)…

Canada has a massive energy sector SOLELY because we have a fuckton of oil and coal and shit under the geographic region we happen to occupy. That’s literally the only reason. Canada isn’t a magical energy land where we will always produce energy no matter the method. Canada is oil, coal and gas land. That’s it. That’s our sole competitive advantage in the global energy market.

Now, for the sake of argument, let’s accept the utter fantasy that viable alternatives can and will totally replace fossil fuels in the foreseeable future. Guess what? You aren’t going to be training oilsands workers to do those jobs because THOSE JOBS AREN’T GOING TO BE IN FUCKING CANADA. In this fantasy world where oil is no longer a thing, we’d suddenly become a massive net IMPORTER of energy products rather than an exporter. Not only is our massive geographic advantage in the fossil fuel market taken away, but Canada is at a competitive DISADVANTAGE for almost every other known alternative. It’s like going up to a people living in a rocky coastal region and telling them “hey guys, you can’t fish anymore, but you can farm all you want!” They’d tell you to fuck right on off because their geography makes that a fucking stupid idea. Yet this is essentially exactly what the manifesto is doing.

Let’s take solar for example. You can bet your ass that solar panels are going to be manufactured in China by child slaves making the equivalent about $0.30 CAD an hour in China’s artificially depressed currency (like, you know fucking every other mass-produced manufactured product) and these Chinese-made panels are probably primarily going to be used in geographical regions with MORE THAN 6 MONTHS OF SUN EVERY YEAR like, for example, the Arizona desert.

Also, everyone knows that windmills are ugly, inefficient, kill tons of birds and no one wants them in their back yard. However, what is rarely talked about is the fact that THEY ARE KNOWN TO HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS PRODUCING ENERGY IN COLD WEATHER, you know, the sort of weather Canada has 9 months a year? So even if that does become a viable option, guess what? It won’t be in Canada either.

Nuclear is a great clean energy option and Canada actually does have significant uranium deposits, so we actually COULD be a world-leader in nuclear power. BUT GUESS WHAT? These latte sipping, gender studies majoring motherfuckers also object to nuclear power, so we’re back to square one.

The bottom line is that even if we accept the MASSIVE assumption that it’s possible and reasonable to totally move on from fossil fuels, there’s literally no reason at all to believe that these new “green jobs” that will supposedly be created will go to Canadians. And that’s reason #9785 why: