correspondent LicensetoShill sits down with famed Germany Nihilist Friedrich Nietzsche to discuss Black Lives Matters, the upcoming Olympic games and Game of Thrones predictions. Here is a sample of the interview, but tune in on RebelMedia this Friday to see the whole interview in Technicolor.

Licence: Good morning Dr. Nietzsche, or can I call you Freddy? Thank you very much for being here with me today and answering some of my questions.

Nietzsche: You may certainly not, it is either Herr Doctor, or Dr. Neitzsche. I would choose not be here, but alas it makes no difference whether I am here or there. Dead or alive. Lost or found. Life is meaningless and God is dead.

Licence: Great stuff Freddy. Now you’re a private guy and many of your fans want to know more about you, and why you kept your sexual orientation hidden from them for so long. What can you tell me about being a gay man in the rock industry?

Nietzsche: I believe you are confusing me with the deceased musician Freddy Mercury of the band Queen. I assure you I am not him, yet the world, nigh, the universe would not be different in the least if I had been. Love is trivial, life is meaningless.

Licence: Ballroom Blitz might be my favourite song of yours. But let’s move on, shall we? As I’m sure you’re aware the Black Lives Matter movement recently blocked a gay pride parade in Toronto, then converted to Islam en masse and stormed a gay nightclub called Pulse in the Orlando district of Mississauga. They were only stopped when a Mexican police officer named Dallas blew himself up inside the club to kill them all. A lot of people are upset by this, but what are your thoughts on Black Lives Matters?

Nietzsche: No lives matter. Black lives, white lives, asian lives. They do not matter. Your life nor mine matters. At any point the common cold could weaken your immune system to such a degree that you will die tomorrow. The earth spins around the sun, but by a cosmic coincidence we could run across a black hole instantly destroying our whole solar system as though it never existed. When you die, it will be as if you never existed. The universe is cold and cares not for anyone.

Licence: Wow Freddy, you’re saying some pretty hurtful things. While I think I can very politically correctly agree with you that white lives don’t matter, saying black lives do not matter is pretty offensive. I would say it’s as offensive as saying All lives matter, which I would never say since I’m not a racist. Would you like to clear that up?

Nietzsche: No lives matter you ignorant twat. The distance between Berlin and London is thought to be far, but the distance to the moon is thousands of times further. Yet it is all blackness. You are nothing but a mere imperceivable spec in the vastness that is space. If the universe was an ocean, this whole planet would not be but a drop. The universe, the earth, you, me, we are meaningless.

Licence: What a bleak dystopian future you are describing Mr. N! Let’s move off of that and let’s talk about what everyone wants to know about: your sex life! Rumours have it that you’ve been spotted on the town with none other than super-babe Mischa Barton exchanging lip fluids like two love starved teenagers?

Nietzche: Please hand me that revolver.

Licence: Here you go, before we get on to the issue of gun control, I wanted to ask you about the impact of Brexit on…


Licence: Well that’s all the time we have for today on MetaInterviews, I’m your host Licencetoshill, please stay tuned for “Cooking for one… while drunk!” with LoneKKKonservative, followed by “Joe fuck yourself” with our very own JoeTravers. And remember, MetaCanada is on Reddit, twitter and facebook where ALL likes matter.