Article written by metacanada chief media critic /u/dittomuch

I watched a cat jump out of a tiny girls arms and run into the street where it was hit by a TTC bus. The child broke down in the worst most painful tears I ever saw. The endless moaning in pain was how vegetarians describe slaughter houses and something even the most seasoned battle field nurses cannot block out.

It was far funnier then the failed abortion that is the Beaverton.


If you doubt that watching a child lose the thing they love the most to a horrific accident is funnier than the Beaverton, I encourage you to torrent an episode of their show or otherwise watch it without supporting them. Seriously, it is about as funny as the day you found out you had HIV, it ranks up their with watching your mother, who was the greatest person ever, die of stomach cancer.
The Beaverton is about as funny as the day you found out a friend of yours died because of a drunk driver.

The Beaverton’s new show competes for humour with the CBC when the CBC discusses children being abducted by pedophiles and found dead.  The Beaverton is as funny as finding your sister advertising her body for sale on backpage to support her crack habit, which you helped start by sharing her first line with her.

Congrats Beaverton on being among the least funny things since feminist comedians telling rape jokes.  It is hard to make me laugh as much as finding out Gord Downie would soon die a painful death. You made me laugh like the day I found out David Bowie was dead.  You made me feel exactly the same as when a bunch of critical mass cyclists caused a traffic jam preventing me from seeing my dad one last time before he died in a hospital bed.

It is hard to be as far off the mark as the first episode of the Beaverton’s new TV show and it may never again happen in television.