As hundreds of refugees leave the safe country of America to illegally enter the safe country of Canada, many have just one thing on their minds.
“Proving Donald Trump wrong.” says 34 year old Somalian Mohammed Bin Leabin. “He says that refugees are all terrorists, criminals, and dangerous but he’s so wrong. That’s why I hired a human smuggler to drive me to within yards of the Canadian border so I could sneak over and claim refugee status.”
After Donald Trump put a controversial ban on Muslims from seven predominantly Muslim countries, refugees already in America and not understanding how a ban works decided that they would have to leave the country they called home in order to seek higher welfare payments in the frozen North.
“I have no idea why Mr. Trump thinks we’re all terrorists,” says one Syrian refugee crossing the snowy fields into Manitoba. “My wife isn’t a terrorist, my daughter isn’t a terrorist, my other wife isn’t a terrorist… I think I’m the only one in my entire family who is a terrorist. Even if my son, Allah willing, becomes a terrorist one day that means less than half of our family are terrorists. I rate Mr. Trump’s comments ‘Pants on Fire’!”
Somehow not everyone is excited about all this new cultural diversity showing up in their small town. Local Emerson resident John Higgins, a white male, appeared to be completely ungrateful to these refugees who built Canada.
“It’s ridiculous,” he ranted and raved. “I’m all for helping my fellow man, but these people broke into my house and stole my food, my television, and physically assaulted my wife. I told them to get out before I called the cops but they laughed at me before putting a cigarette out on my face. Look! You can still see the burn mark.”
Despite complete racists like Mr. Higgins being opposed to helping refugees escape a completely safe country illegally, some are all for helping the refugees. MetaCanada.ca spoke to Mrs. Helen Van Richen, who says she’s done everything she can to help the refugees and is ashamed that some Canadians oppose any type of humanitarian aid for these poor economic migrants.
“Oh yes, we must help those poor brown people. That’s the only reason other people don’t want to help them, because these refugees are brown and those people are racist… but of course I’m not,” Mrs. Van Richen coherently told MetaCanada. “While I don’t live in the city these refugees are entering, and they certainly wouldn’t be allowed on my estate, sometimes I wander the many guest rooms of my mansion and wonder how come other Canadians aren’t doing more. Then I decide, because racism.”
All around the small town of Emerson, Manitoba, refugees are doing everything they can to prove Donald Trump wrong. A few gather around a burning police car to try and stay warm on this frosty night. Others gather and share spirits on the sidewalk in front of the closed liquor store, apparently to prevent looters from entering through the store’s broken window. It’s a real humanitarian crisis, and every day as more asylum seekers cross the border, one wonders how big Canada’s heart can really be.
One answer to that question comes from Minneapolis resident Sarah Chalken, whose city provides the vast majority of these refugees.
“Take them all. Take every single one of them Canada, and don’t you dare send any of them back!”
If Justin Trudeau has his way, Canada certainly will take them all. And then some.
Licence to Shill is starting to realize border walls actually make a hell of a lot of sense.