Canada is the greatest nation on the planet. Be proud of it Canadians!

“Pride” shouldn’t only refer to degenerative parades and wanting to have sex with people the same gender as you. Pride should be what every Canadian born in the country feels because we are the products of generations of ass-kicking, nation-building warriors.

Whether you’re descended from the English, the French, or you’re aboriginal/Metis (which is just aboriginal and French, we can stop pretending they’re some sort of magical people now) you come from the people who turned the largest uncivilized wilderness in the world into the greatest nation on the planet in barely a few short centuries! Before we even became a country we beat the Americans in the war of 1812 and burnt down their White House. We charted a vast nation of rivers and connected distant trading posts with burgeoning cities, while fighting through some of the harshest weather on the planet!

However some people are trying to make you feel guilty about being Canadian. They’re trying to take a few things we’ve done in the past (mostly to the Native Americans) and say if we’re celebrating Canada’s 150th then we’re ignoring the bad things that happened to the Indians. Screw that, weighing the good and the bad Canada is far and away the best nation in the world and just because Canada (like every other country) didn’t always treat its minorities perfectly doesn’t make us a bad country. Natives are free to complain, but that doesn’t mean we should feel bad at all. We have too much to be proud of!

On D-Day three countries landed on the beaches of France to destroy the Nazi menace. We were one! In 1917 Canadians took out Vimy Ridge, a fortified German position that neither the Brits or French could touch. Our snipers have 3 of the longest 5 kills ever recorded. We were feared as stormtroopers in any war we fought in, including Korea and Afghanistan. We’re badass! Be proud that if you ever have to go to war you’ll be surrounded by the pound-for-pound best fighting soldiers this planet has ever feared!

Part of France is now officially Canadian because of how hard we kicked ass

Canada was once a vast untamed wilderness but we turned it into a G7 nation! We have free speech and we’ve had it for over a century without it being in the Constitution. In earlier days you could leave your door unlocked and never worry about anyone breaking in, unfortunately we have a leader in charge that invites criminals to this country but be proud of the Canadians who fight to stop that! We don’t quit and we won’t let anyone destroy our freedom!

If you were born into this Canadian culture be proud about it. Don’t be ashamed about residential schools or colonization, colonization wasn’t bad in any event and the bad from residential schools pales in comparison to the good things Canadians did. We invented insulin and saved millions of lives! A Canadian living in America invented basketball, while a Scot living in Canada invented the phone. We claim both inventions! We saved the Dutch from starvation under Nazi rule and have never lost a war!

John A MacDonald and the founding fathers came together to unite Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia into the nation we live in and love today. Six other provinces eventually joined and became part of Canada, and while they brought their own unique identities, they all had to become Canadian and adopt her wonderful values and beliefs. If you weren’t born here but you want to become Canadian, including holding dear everything Canada stands for, we want you! If you want to come to Canada and destroy her culture and never assimilate, we’ll treat you like an Acadian in the 1700s.

Some people will tell you Canada has no culture, and her history is something to be ashamed about, not celebrated. That’s bullshit! Canada is the greatest nation on God’s Green Earth. Have a beer, skip the red wine and be proud of your heritage Canadians!

God Save the Queen!

Licence to Shill is Drunk already.