Author: Alexander B. Reasonable

Dumpster Racers: NDP and LPC Battling for Most Progressive Stance on Abortion

NDP and LPC in race to adopt most radically-left stance on abortion OTTAWA—Justin Trudeau took a very deliberate and controversial stance concerning abortion on May 7, requiring all of his Liberal MPs to vote in the interest of protecting a woman’s right to choose, regardless of how their conscience would otherwise have them vote. He’s since attempted to clarify his views, but in doing so, has again ruffled feathers on the Hill. Although a great deal of the backlash Trudeau’s faced has come from anachronistic old white men who’ve been with the LPC since the days when it was...

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Fringe Theory, Canadian Fact

Canadian Scientists given amnesty in exchange for information about shockingly inhumane government project Disclaimer. OTTAWA—A fringe group of Canadian academics and corporate scientists surrendered themselves to the RCMP on Saturday, confessing to their complicity in a horrific, Canadian legacy project. Among the esteemed group of scientists were eugenicist Alduous Berkely, climatologist Bernadette Okowsky, and sociologist Kevin Byne. Their shared objective on the project, code-named “Yukon Law,” was to alter Canadian ecosystems and weather patterns in order to make them more inhospitable to human life. Experts have determined that the scientists employed modified ion cannons and o-zone depletion reactions (ODRs)...

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From the Barricade: Christy Clark Must Step Down

Adrian Dix and BC NDP staffers have set up a barricade in the centre of Vancouver, British Columbia VANCOUVER—Members of the New Democratic Party of British Columbia have reportedly set up a barricade downtown, issuing a list of demands for the BC Liberals. BC Premier Christy Clark has deemed this militant posturing “revolutionary…a fundamentally inane reaction to our alleged hand in provoking the teachers’ strike.” Mayor Robertson said in a press conference, “This is the straw that broke, preventing this slushie from finding my lips.” He held out the straw, halving his bewildered eyes. Using whatever they could get...

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